How to Know You’re Making Progress
Goals and Growth in Therapy
Understanding what to expect in therapy can be difficult. You will likely come into therapy with a specific goal—and while this may take a while, life should improve throughout therapy. However, it is recognized that beginning therapy, especially trauma therapy, can make you feel worse at first.
My professor in my counseling program used a metaphor of cleaning out a closet. You’ve put everything in this closet in your bedroom for a long time, to the point that opening it becomes terrifying—everything spills out. This is not unlike suppressing trauma. Cleaning a closet first requires you take everything out, inevitably spreading it across the bedroom. The bedroom will certainly look like a mess! At that point, you can choose what to keep and get rid of and then organize it neatly back in the closet.
When Will I Be Done?
When the closet and room are cleaned up, it’s up to you to determine when your work is done. Common signs of improvement in counseling include reduced symptoms, improved relationships, a more fulfilling life, and a more positive outlook.
In the existential approach I take, greater understanding of self and your life almost always pairs with changes that help you meet these goals. A consultant that has helped train me once remarked, “In existentialism, the work is done when the client believes they have come to enough of an understanding of themselves, and they don’t want to dig deeper.” I believe this is a fantastic outlook to keep as a therapist and I encourage my clients to adopt this view!
Building Safety in Therapy
If you are uncomfortable discussing certain topics or speaking at all, we will make additional efforts to increase safety. Read “Building Safety in Therapy” here if you have any questions about how to do this. Therapy will begin by building rapport and safety, which is necessary for a prosperous therapeutic alliance and effective therapy work. I strive to ensure that you feel heard and validated, and as part of this building safety process, I always welcome feedback about how we are doing as therapist and client, in session and overall, and how I am doing as your therapist.
That being said, some topics are easier to discuss than others. I believe starting with what you’re comfortable discussing and building up to harder topics is an effective approach, and I have seen clients be successful following this pattern. However, I will welcome any topic, no matter how heavy or damaging you perceive it.
What if We Aren’t a Fit?
You may also believe that my approach isn’t effective. I have experience in a variety of approaches and am open to exploring the approach that you believe would be the best fit for you. Not everybody is going to respond effectively to a single therapeutic approach—and thank goodness, because the therapeutic world would be very boring if so! I am trained in existential therapy and person-centered therapy and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing for trauma therapy. Read more about EMDR here. I also have additional experiences in other approaches.
I will always be curious to hear about how you are experiencing therapy, including my approach. I believe a healthy therapeutic alliance includes collaboration with much feedback from the client.
Therapy will be tailored to individual needs as well. Irvin Yalom once stated, “I believe that a different therapy must by constructed for each patient because each has a unique story.” I hope to always tailor therapy to the individual—an approach easily facilitated by the person-centered and existential traditions. Additionally, other concerns that are best-addressed by other therapies (including EMDR, DBT, or MI) can enhance this tailoring to suit you. If you are seeking any therapy approach and I am trained and competent in this, I am always open to adjusting the approach to suit you.
What if I Want to Quit?
If you believe it is best to terminate therapy or to change therapists, clients always have the right to do so. This can be for many reasons: understanding that you have met all of your goals, seeking a type of therapy I cannot offer, addressing an issue I am not trained in (e.g., eating disorders), believing we are not a positive therapeutic fit, rupture that cannot be repaired, financial reasons, scheduling conflicts, or wanting to pursue a different therapist. I will not take termination personally, as I believe this is always within your right and my primary focus is helping you facilitate your growth and the improvement of your life.
If you would like to terminate for any reason, my practice has many other therapists that I can refer you to, and I can additionally help you seek out other therapists. According to my professional ethics, when I determine that additional counseling will no longer benefit the client—or at worse, harm the client—I successfully terminate with the client. This is to protect clients. And clients will always be included in these conversations.
Connect
If this post helped you feel invigorated to get to work in therapy, please reach out at contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation!